john's mom works

if you look closely, you'll see a fluorescent green monkey attached to my back as we swim at the camp. last night was ladies' night with my aunt and her friends - when my husband and i moved to baton rouge, we were so lucky to be instantly absorbed by their social group and had instant friends here (along with family, of course). it was wonderful to go out with these awesome gals and just hang out. i was a little bummed to not see john before he went to bed, but overall it was a great evening. and this weekend, we're going to two birthday parties for john's friends from school - he's quite the popular little fellow, apparently. got a heck of a social schedule! happy friday!

my breakfast companion the evening after my wallow-at-home-eating-ice-cream day last week (when we found out about the miscarriage), john could tell i wasn't quite myself.  he sat down next to me on the couch and said, "mommy, you sad?" "yes, baby. mommy's sad. can mommy have a kiss?" john planted a big kiss on my cheek. i said, "now mommy's happy because she has her john." and nearly once a day ever since, john has said, "mommy not sad. you happy! you have your john!" i am awed by the wisdom of this kiddo.

his face is even dirtier than it looks i do have super-cute john stories today, since he played so awesomely with the neighbor kiddos last evening and got dirty and sweaty and messy and had fun. he was well-behaved and played with his friends and shared and had an awesome time. which means mom had an awesome time watching him play and being so proud of what a big boy he is. but honestly ... i'm having a tough day today. feeling a little blue and a little funky. all of which is, i know, a part of the process. so i'll be ok. i'm just feeling sad today.

what does the aftermath of a day of playing at the camp, throwing sticks for dogs to swim after, going "fast in a boat!" and swimming in the river look like? something like this: 'bout sums it up. three minutes down the road from the family camp yesterday, john was passed out with kitty in arms.  it was a good weekend of family time. we went to the balloon fest on saturday evening and caught the balloon glow. john loved it. he kept telling me about the balloons lighting up, and asking to see the eagle balloon again. he told us he wanted to get a balloon to take home. i had to convince him that it wouldn't fit in our house. i think next year we'll spend a longer time at the festival, because it was really a pretty cool environment. then sunday was the camp, with lots of family members. it was a great escape, and i was *so* very proud of john swimming in the river with us. he had his life vest on, and he mostly hung onto my back and shoulders and did ...

recognize this toy? still as captivating as when we were young. for probably pretty apparent reasons, we've been really appreciating john even more than usual this week. and i know it's a bit of an old chestnut that you learn more from your kids than they do from you, john's had two sayings this week that are really ringing true to me. i got this i think this one started out literally - like, "hey, mommy! i got this toy! look, i got it!" but it's quickly transitioned to the slangier (and oh-so-much-more grownup) "don't worry mommy, i got this." as in, "i am carrying this item that is WAY too big for my little body, but i am super incredible - i got this." and you know what? that's pretty inspiring. in the face of all the sadness and uncertainty i am feeling right now, to be able to say, *i got this*, that's pretty empowering. it makes me feel like i can do whatever i set my mind to. i GOT this. i need some h...

more precious than ever i have rewritten this post about six times already, because it is diametrically opposite what i had hoped to share this week. i had hoped to share our excitement and joy that we were eight weeks pregnant and expanding our family. instead, we learned tuesday that our baby is not viable, and that we will lose it. i debated whether to write this post at all. but ultimately, i decided that this blog has always been intended as an honest discussion of our victories and defeats in the balancing act that is our life. i couldn't NOT include this difficult time and still tell the whole story. and we do not talk about miscarriages in our culture. and i understand why - it is sad, and it is hard, and it is a loss. and so often it comes wrapped up in fear - that you won't be able to successfully bear children, that you will "fail" at procreating - and in self-doubt - what did i do wrong? and so until you experience a miscarriage, you don't...

don't you think this kid could be a model? he's showing his versatile expressions: from left: playful; direct and disarming; brooding and deep. somehow i've got to find a system that doesn't leave me scrambling on the weekends to get housework done. i know, i know - do a load of laundry every evening during the week, put things away as soon as you're done with them ... i know these things. yet each weekend finds me scrambled-ly washing and folding and straightening and cleaning. (a HUGE caveat - i should say finds US doing those things. thank god my husband is not afraid to do housework. he's way better at it than i am and our house would be a shambles without him.) this saturday was only worse, because i had to be at the mall for an event saturday afternoon. so i missed the tailgating adventures of john and daddy - see above. i am extremely proud to say that i am not even responsible for the mohawk - that was daddy and a couple of loving "...

in case you can't read it, the ad says: "Reclaim Your Manhood Now Don't let the feminists subvert you. Fight back against the Feminopoly." an eagle-eyed reader and dear friend shared that screen-cap of the mobile version of yesterday's "feminism" blog. take special note of the google ad at the top. i cannot stop giggling. another funny: at school this morning, john's teachers were telling me that one of them mentioned that she might apply to be a flight attendant. and john walked up to her and said, "john get on an airplane, too!" so apparently, john was able to make the connection between "flight attendant" and an airplane. this kid amazes me every single day. watching him (and his peers for that matter!) begin to build those neurological connections between concepts is fascinating ... and funny. when asked where he was going to fly, john said, "i don't know!"

john's mural (thanks, grammie!) always makes me feel like we're in "where the wild things are" - where the forest grows in max's room? it's real chez john. when i first read about this american university professor  who breastfed her infant in front of her class, i found myself somewhat befuddled. on the one hand, i understand the difficulty of not being able to take a sick kid to daycare - especially on short notice and without a partner to help pick up the slack. on the other hand, it was the first day of class and SURELY a teaching assistant could have just as well handed out the syllabus and let her stay home with her child.  but the more i read - and i encourage you to follow the links in that article, to try to get a more well-rounded picture of the story than offered in just one author's point of view - the more i realized that this isn't a story about breastfeeding. it's not even a story about kids, per se.  this is a story abo...

cutest booty in town. hands down. last night in the car, john suddenly shouted to us, "i get naked! time for naked?" so when we got home, he got a bath, and then ran around the house naked. oh to be two when this is completely socially acceptable! -- on a life balance note, i've been trying to find a little more time to read lately. pre-john, i tore through 1-3 books a week. (granted, they were mostly junk law novels and trashy pop-lit, nothing very heavy.) since john, i'm lucky if i read a book every three months.  and i miss my reading. so this morning, since john was comfortably playing in his room as i ate my breakfast, i grabbed a book from my endless backlog. i happened to grab one by the title of "the undomestic goddess." it's one of those seemingly hundreds of modern novels that detail the trials and travails of a single woman who - gasp! - doesn't meet conventional standards of what a woman should be. this one is a...

i've mentioned before that john is speaking in full sentences, but sometimes it's pretty clear he doesn't quite get what it is he is saying. for example, one of his favorite things to say right now is, "don't say that, that's not nice!" however, he is just as prone to say that when you say "i love you" as when you say "do you want a spanking?" best i can tell, "don't say that, that's not nice" loosely translates to "that's not what i want you to say right now." and best i can tell, the "don't watch john" in the video above loosely translates to "i want to play, not be videoed right now!" that's what i tell myself, anyway - the alternative is that i am a REALLY not nice mommy. ("don't SAY that mommy. that's not nice!")

it doesn't get any better than this. (yes, john picked his own outfit.) i know it's a natural part of the growing up process, but sometimes it makes me sad that the busier john is, the less he wants to just snuggle. sometimes i miss that tiny little thing that did nothing but cuddle in our arms. but of course i wouldn't trade this walking, talking, exploring beast for anything, so i just cherish the moments when he does want to be close. sunday was a good day for snuggling. daddy and john got to snuggle a good portion of the morning, and when i came back from work (we had an event at the mall) all john wanted was to "lay on mommy" on the couch. there is really nothing finer than that little bug resting on my chest, his head nestled under my chin. and i've discovered something beautiful about the affection of a toddler: it's almost all the more precious, because he chooses to give it to you. he has a choice about where to be and what to do - an...

a collection of funny faces. i dare you be in a bad mood after you look at those pics. i double dog dare you.

these are all blurry because the kid WOULD NOT STAND STILL. for as hectic and crazy as tuesday night was, we made up for it last night. we didn't want to cook - had too many dishes to do already! - and we were tired, so we decided a family sushi outing was in order. we ordered a bunch of rolls and some edamame and figured john would eat the soy beans and maybe some rice or shrimp off of a roll or something, and if he was still hungry we'd have mac and cheese when we got home. but when the sushi platter arrived, john quickly reached in and grabbed a piece of the roll closest to him - which happened to contain raw salmon, raw tuna, and be topped with wasabi-tinged roe. and he didn't bite it - he shoved the whole piece in his mouth. i thought surely the whole thing would be quickly spat back out, but i was wrong - he proceeded to chew, chubby-cheeked, at this new-found delight. and several minutes later when he'd managed to chew and swallow, he went for a...

the culprit. last evening was a ridiculous evening.  john and i high-tailed home from work and school to rush to the store, to hurry home to fix dinner, and before long it was bedtime and john hated to go to bed and screamed and cried for 20 minutes. meantime daddy was out slaving in the yard - and i do mean SLAVING, in the horrible heat - for 2.5 hours making the yard MOWABLE. thank god for that groupon lawn-mowing service we got, he didn't then have to go get the mower and do that too. somewhere in between making and eating dinner (and going outside for an interlude of helping-daddy-pick-up-the-dog-poop), i was in my bedroom changing into shorts when i heard a strange popping sound. i hustled into my shorts and heard it again. a little concerned - i know most of the sounds that john makes in the house that are NOT concerning - i rushed into the living room and found john discovering bubble wrap. with glee in his eyes, he was pressing two fingers into each o...

"let's make music, mommy!" the three-day weekend (and last week's oddball hurricane-induced schedulelessness) wrecked any semblance of morning routine chez john. getting ready for work this morning, it was like i had completely forgotten how to go about the normal preparations. do i brush my teeth now? no, wait, eat breakfast first. THEN brush teeth. did i give the dog his medicine? am i wearing two shoes? (looking down) ok, got the shoes.  poor john wasn't faring much better. he slept late, and when he woke up, the first thing he said to me was "i want to go back to sleep." he got dressed no problem, but he flipped his lid when i tried to put his shoes on. he did not want to wear the black sneakers. he did not want to wear his chuck taylors. he did not want to wear his elmo shoes. he only wanted "e shoes."  the problem? i have no earthly idea what e shoes are. NO idea. i tried to discuss with him and figure it out ... but that...

the littlest tiger i'm not sure what it says about my mental age, but i have to say: i find john to be most excellent company.  my husband is out of town, so we've been flying solo this weekend. and today was quite a day. we woke up early and went to the store to get contractor trash bags so we could start cleaning up the front yard. came home and spent about an hour "playing in sticks" that resulted in precisely one bag of debris and a very small pile of sticks. moral of the story: yardwork is impossible with a two-year-old. every pile of leaves you rake, he will run through, kick, and "sweep" with sticks. he will help put some leaves in the bag ... but then he will be too excited and dive into the bag to throw leaves gleefully everywhere. it was absolutely not productive ... but quite a lot of fun. we high-tailed inside for baths and to dress in our purple and gold so we could head over to lsu campus to tailgate.  met up with some awesom...