john's mom works

chipper little fellow. when i got john out of bed this morning, i asked him if he would hold me for a minute. he said, "but i awake, mommy!" i said, "yes, baby, but mommy just wants to sit in this chair and snuggle for a sec, even though we're awake, is that ok?" and he snuggled up on me and said he loved me. and i knew, right then and there, that thursday would be a better day. and better it was. first of all, john was in a reasonably good mood in the morning, which is not a given with our not-a-morning-person family. he was a little grumpy to daddy but they made up before daddy had to head to work. then our ride to school was full of singing songs and talking about what he would do that day (intermixed with requests that ms. meka give him a poptart when he arrives at school). he plonked down for his breakfast with a smile and a goodbye kiss and mama was off to the doctor. i was oddly nervous going to the doctor - there was no reason to believe a...

the lighting in ihop leaves a little to be desired ... but my company at breakfast was perfect. i told myself i would take it easy this weekend. after all, i had surgery - albeit very minor - on friday morning, so i would need all the rest and laying around i could get, right?  but saturday morning, i woke up feeling REALLY good. pretty much normal, actually. and when i saw a commercial on tv for ihop and their pumpkin pancakes, i couldn't resist ... so we headed off for delicious pancake breakfast. and, despite having to wait about 20 minutes, we actually had a great family breakfast. john got his very own plate of silver-dollar pancakes, eggs, and bacon, so goodness knows he was happy. and after breakfast, it was off for a haircut for my shaggy-haired little monster. he didn't like it much - did a lot of wiggling - but at least he didn't cry the whole time like he did last time. and that was a MIGHTY full morning for a wee peanut, so he crashed hard on the ...

a pretty face to go with a yukky story. it's 11 after minute and i'm awake. not for any bad reason you might suspect: i'm actually still feeling great. still haven't needed and pain meds. i think i just slept so much all day (and then had too much oh-so-delicious iced tea ... with caffeine) that i'm just now starting to fade to black for the night. and if you have a weak stomach (nothing gory about my surgery - just a lovely child vomit story) you can stop reading right now, know we're all ok, and have a fabulous night. anyone still here? ok. so john is on a lot of medicine right now for his hand. well, not a LOT, but he does have to take two daily doses of antibiotics plus several doses a day of benadryl. and he's actually a great medicine taker, typically, even of the yukky ones. he just sips them down out of the little syringe, sometimes with a grimace, but no major problems. but. tonight, we made a strategic error. he took a cool bat...

dr. john's prescription for mommy's recovery. last night we dropped john off at P & R's house to play with their awesome kiddos, L & S. the kiddos are a little older than john, but their youngest (a boy) and john wound up being fast friends. they've played together before, but last night apparently john had crossed some developmental threshold that allowed them to truly play together, not just side by side. they would play in one room, discuss their plans, run into another room to "see how fast airplanes go in the kitchen!" then bounce back to the first room to do more planning. plus, we got serenaded by L's burgeoning piano skills and got to spend some awesome time with P & R who are wonderful friends to us. it definitely put me at ease leaving john in such caring hands, and knowing he'd have fun overnight and the next day. we came home and ate the delicious dinner that other friend L had dropped off earlier in the day (if she ever ...

the star is from daycare yesterday - i just couldn't scrub it off because of his tender swollen skin. the plan for today, originally, was for my husband to go to work and spend his day wrapping things up so he could be off tomorrow, me to go to work to do the same, so i could leave at 2pm for my pre-op appointment (more on that in a sec) and then for us to convene at home for one dear friend to bring us a much-appreciated dinner before we brought john to another dear friend's house to stay the night so he wouldn't have to come to the hospital with us at 5am. oh, the best laid plans. instead, we woke up to john's hand all swollen up and angry red. i hoped we could get him in early to see his doctor, then i'd take him to daycare and i'd head to work and we'd continue the plan from there. and we did get a 9am appointment ... and it is just an angry angry bug bite of some kind, that john's little system reacted to. but the doc said john needed to...

boy's best friend so, a confession first: i am losing my mind. it seems that my poor little brain has reached its capacity or something, because the degree to which i am successfully navigating this "balancing act" is rapidly decreasing lately. this afternoon right about the time i finished posting my earlier blog, i suddenly stopped in my tracks, virtually paralyzed. the overwhelming thought that filled my mind was: you didn't let buddy back into the house this morning. i wracked my brain - could i come up with one little glimmer of a memory of latching him safely into his kennel? or even letting him in the back door? but try as i might, there was no such glimmer. i quickly became convinced that buddy was in the backyard alone all day. for some dogs, that wouldn't be a problem. plenty of dogs spend most of their time outside. but buddy is first NOT an outside dog. he likes to go outside to play, but not to stay. he belongs inside. and second, he...

my breakfast companion the evening after my wallow-at-home-eating-ice-cream day last week (when we found out about the miscarriage), john could tell i wasn't quite myself.  he sat down next to me on the couch and said, "mommy, you sad?" "yes, baby. mommy's sad. can mommy have a kiss?" john planted a big kiss on my cheek. i said, "now mommy's happy because she has her john." and nearly once a day ever since, john has said, "mommy not sad. you happy! you have your john!" i am awed by the wisdom of this kiddo.

his face is even dirtier than it looks i do have super-cute john stories today, since he played so awesomely with the neighbor kiddos last evening and got dirty and sweaty and messy and had fun. he was well-behaved and played with his friends and shared and had an awesome time. which means mom had an awesome time watching him play and being so proud of what a big boy he is. but honestly ... i'm having a tough day today. feeling a little blue and a little funky. all of which is, i know, a part of the process. so i'll be ok. i'm just feeling sad today.

recognize this toy? still as captivating as when we were young. for probably pretty apparent reasons, we've been really appreciating john even more than usual this week. and i know it's a bit of an old chestnut that you learn more from your kids than they do from you, john's had two sayings this week that are really ringing true to me. i got this i think this one started out literally - like, "hey, mommy! i got this toy! look, i got it!" but it's quickly transitioned to the slangier (and oh-so-much-more grownup) "don't worry mommy, i got this." as in, "i am carrying this item that is WAY too big for my little body, but i am super incredible - i got this." and you know what? that's pretty inspiring. in the face of all the sadness and uncertainty i am feeling right now, to be able to say, *i got this*, that's pretty empowering. it makes me feel like i can do whatever i set my mind to. i GOT this. i need some h...

more precious than ever i have rewritten this post about six times already, because it is diametrically opposite what i had hoped to share this week. i had hoped to share our excitement and joy that we were eight weeks pregnant and expanding our family. instead, we learned tuesday that our baby is not viable, and that we will lose it. i debated whether to write this post at all. but ultimately, i decided that this blog has always been intended as an honest discussion of our victories and defeats in the balancing act that is our life. i couldn't NOT include this difficult time and still tell the whole story. and we do not talk about miscarriages in our culture. and i understand why - it is sad, and it is hard, and it is a loss. and so often it comes wrapped up in fear - that you won't be able to successfully bear children, that you will "fail" at procreating - and in self-doubt - what did i do wrong? and so until you experience a miscarriage, you don't...