john's mom works

a little backyard chaos and shenanigans i will forever remember this summer as a time of shifting sibling dynamics. john and charlie have always alternated between playing beautifully together and beating the snot out of each other -- pretty standard fare for brothers, from what i understand. they are each others' best friend and arch nemesis, rolled up into one jack-and-jill-bathroom-sharing package. it's made for amazing times when they create and build and explore and entertain each other. it's made for challenging times when they get under each others' skin, antagonize and bully one another, and scream. man, can those kids scream. when bean first arrived, of course, not much changed. if anything, the bigs got closer. they got good at occupying each other when the baby needed "too much" attention. the flare ups didn't stop, of course, but i wouldn't have expected them to. but now at two, bean is a real person with real ideas and real ima...

boys in collared shirts. i've missed this blog. and this blog has missed me, too - it's missed a lot of change in our family, a lot of distance covered and a lot of growth, and oh yeah the addition of a third son. it's missed outings and discoveries and pictures and trials and tribulations. but mostly, it's missed pieces of the development of three really cool kids. and the evolution of their mommy as she tries to adapt to having three really cool kids and a really cool job and oh by the way a really cool husband and a pain in the ass but also cool dog. and i, have missed writing. so i shall try again. john (+charlie + ben)'s mom works. and writes. and loves. and welcomes you back to our adventure.

the cause of - and solution to - most of my life's frustrations. i did not ring in the new year as i had hoped. in fact, i did not ring in the new year at all. the new year arrived somewhere in between rounds of charlie in his bedroom door screaming "me want to go downstairs!" and me, patiently as i could muster, placing him gently back in his bed and telling him i loved him, goodnight. i finally collapsed in my bed around 2:30 a.m. after he finally, FINALLY, fell into a mommy-milk induced sleep and let me place him in his bed to stay. my last thought was a whispered prayer that please may these children sleep. at 7:11 a.m., the tiniest feet in the house padded next to my bedside and asked to sleep with me, which translated to throwing elle belle at daddy and eating my chapstick. so much for sleep. and i was mad. i didn't yell at charlie, but i did grump at both he and john to go upstairs and play. and when my husband got up to tend to them a wh...

this guy right here ... i tell a lot of stories on this blog, sharing ups and downs of these two beautiful blond boys we’re lucky enough to share our lives with. and there are lots of stories to share, because they are active and awesome kids who make us laugh and cry, make us rue our weaknesses and be so proud of our strengths. no stories today, though. today i want to talk about transparency. there’s a strangeness to the era of social media. we share the most intimate details of some parts of our lives, yet edit heavily to portray the “best” of our selves. but the best of our selves is truly that we are human, and multifaceted, and dimensional – that we do not fit into happy smiley boxes of vacation pictures and beautifully decorated walls and immaculate homes and elaborately cooked meals. (tho there is nothing wrong with any of those things – but we are more.) shew, that’s an elaborate preface for a little blog entry. (another little preface here: i'm ...

exploring the doctor's stool while we wait for blood tests to come back. i try to maintain a pretty positive and, some might say, even pollyannaish perspective on our lives. nothing is gained by dwelling and festering, right? but i can say without equivocation that last week sucked. charlie came home monday afternoon with a high fever. he's my fever baby - if he's going to bother getting one, it's going to hit 103+ - so i wasn't too alarmed. rest and fever reducer and he'd be fine. but then tuesday he broke out in crazy hives. so my husband and his mom (who happened to be visiting) brought him to the doctor just in case. viral fever with rash was the diagnosis. ok, treat the symptoms, care for the cranky babe, he'll be fine. wednesday morning the hives were much worse - covering probably 60% of his body. i called the nurse. we discussed, and agreed that as long as there was no swelling around the mouth and no breathing issues we'd just kee...

my little shaded studs we've been on a wild ride with my john the past year or so - he's an amazingly sweet, remarkable, mannerly, kind little boy, but there's a switch inside him that flips when he gets frustrated or overwhelmed, and he just can't process his big feelings. the result is some really disruptive behavior that's been a challenge for him to control. there've been good weeks and bad weeks, and after a particularly tough spell recently we decided to seek professional help. john had his first therapy session today, and he loved it and they seem to think we'll be able to help him find some coping mechanisms to learn how to control his emotional outbursts and process big feelings in a more productive way. i'm excited for him, that he will be a little more prepared by the time we start kindergarten in the fall. in the meantime, his little brain is unbelievable.  on the way to therapy today, i asked him how he met his "different...

if you've come for witty reparte or a good old fashioned poop story, today is not your day. if you've come to witness me using words as catharsis, you're in luck. tonight was one of my least favorite nights of my life. it climaxes (nadirs) with this scene: john, red-faced and screaming "i don't want you, mommy!" over and over. charlie in his wrap, muffledly crying as he buries his face in my shoulder. me, nearly hysterical, yelling god-knows-what (i truly don't) through sobs and tears. * * * how did we get there? not all at once, of course. in dribs and drabs of bad behavior meets inappropriate response with a mix of too-tired thrown in for good measure. we've been struggling, my husband and i, to help john through a very difficult time. best I can tell it's a culmination of a year of change that was enough to leave my grownup head spinning - and i chose most of that change, unlike john. john's been acting out at home and at school...

left: diligently removing pjs one foot at a time.  right: dirt is a boy's best friend. today in dfw, a beautiful week-old baby girl is being laid to rest by her aching family. and today in dfw, the grey sky and chilling rain seem a perfect reflection of the sympathetic ache felt by anyone who hears this family's story. may they be uplifted by prayers and love from far and wide that somehow, somewhere, they might find some peace. *  *  * sometimes god and his universe conspire to give you exactly what you need. today it is the weather that gives expression to my emotions. sometimes you need that mourning. last week, it was a relatively simple message from a facebook friend who posted this thought: our children need our love the most when they deserve it least. i won't try to attribute that one -- many very wise folks have said similar things and i'm probably misquoting anyway. but it rang in my head as i reflected on john's behavior...

the letter "h"! sleepy buddha last night, john proved to me again what an awesome kid he is. he wanted to have a dance party in the living room and asked daddy to put on the radio. daddy did, to a pop/top 40 type station. i can't remember what song it was, but john said, "no, daddy, a rock and ROLL dance." so daddy changed. next station was a country song. "no, daddy. rock and ROLL!" finally, daddy landed on an alt rock station. "that's it daddy! rock and roll, rock and roll ..." (insert cute hip/butt wiggle here). what song had my kiddo rockin' and rollin'?  "under the bridge," by red hot chili peppers. that, friends, THAT, is my child. meantime charlie was sitting in his seat just smiling and laughing at big brother's antics. *  *  * and i needed that. i needed to be reminded how amazing my children are, because it was a rough afternoon before that. it started with a...

brothers. ain't it great? i will write this blog or some variation probably a thousand times in the next few years -- or 18 years, or 50 years, or maybe however many years i live to watch my children grow. this afternoon, my husband put john down for his nap while i was in the other room. i came back to the living room and he was already in bed, presumably asleep. and this is awesome, right? he's learning to do that without his mommy having to be there, he's not fussing when daddy is the only parent there to help, and he's listening and doing what he is told. he's going down for a nap peacefully and without stalling and arguing, and he's doing it without me there . that is a parenting win for us for sure. but ... but. it made me cry. john didn't even come to say goodnight to me. he didn't want to hug me before his rest, or tell me sweet dreams and he loves me. he didn't need  me. i cried. i told my husband how bittersweet this was for...

thank god for a daddy who helps so much with the airplane and the infant. couldn't do it without you, babe. the very title of my blog (not this entry but the blog itself) says so much: johnsmomworks. i have always been a working mom. this (temporary*) stay-at-home mom phase of my life has been a new adventure for me -- and for john, of course. with the addition of charlie to the picture, we're flying by the seat of our pants and figuring things out as we go. i split my time between chasing an airplane around the house to assist with in-air refueling (john) and sitting oh-so-still on the couch using my own body to refuel the airplane's little brother. this combination of activities has me simultaneously more excited about mommying than ever ... and more uncertain about mommying than ever. am i doing john a disservice by not having more structured learning time? is he bored and in need of more activity? is charlie getting enough milk to grow big and strong? am i eatin...

oh, those socks ... yesterday morning, john put on his socks and promptly pulled them up almost to his knees. "silly boo," i said, "put your socks down!" "no, mommy, i want them up!" he said emphatically. so up they stayed. *   *   * in the kitchen, i talked to my husband. "he's too young for his friends to make fun of him for his socks, right?" i asked. "yeah," my husband replied, "i think he's got a year or two." i just nodded. *   *   * when i dropped john off at the school, i said to his teacher, "please forgive john's socks ... i know they look ridiculous but he insisted!" she laughed and said, "actually, that's how they wear them these days." dismayed, i walked out to my car. apparently john was more in touch with fashionable socks than i was. for the first time, my three-year-old was officially cooler than me. *   *   * there...

i forgot to mention last week that i published another article on yahoo. this one's actually about john, so you might enjoy reading it. bad mommy: how my 3 year old became an ipad junkie.

my husband forwarded me this link today, with a note about how badly he needed this today: to parents of small children, let me be the one to say this aloud . and it got me to thinking, so often this blog is so celebratory of the amazingness of raising a little person -- and well it should be, it's an amazing process -- but i do tend to glaze over the less beautiful spots. like last night, when my too-tired husband and my too-tired self bickered at each other because john was being very difficult and not listening and not wanting any of the things we knew, as parents, he had to do -- things like dinner, and pottying, and going to bed. or like monday morning, when john started crying when he woke up and didn't stop for an hour . yeah, i probably mentioned that. but i didn't talk about how i was at my wit's end, trying to put on my makeup while he screamed (literally screamed) in the bathroom next to me. how i had tried spanking, time out, sweet talk, strong talk, s...

"so here's the thing, mom ..." i have recently begun to notice a stage of development in john that i had never considered before: the beginning of fear of abstract constructs in the world around him. like every toddler, he's been startled by a loud noise, or frightened by a dog with its nose in his face, or shaken up by a decent fall. but all of those are distinct, concrete things to fear. sunday night, our whole family was hanging out in the living room. john didn't want to sit with me, he was having an all-about-daddy moment. as he leaped from my lap to daddy's arms, he caught a glimpse of movement outside our back window. "what was that?" john asked. i hadn't seen anything, so i let my husband answer him. "it was just a shadow, john," said daddy. "but what was that?" john asked again. "i don't know, but it was just a shadow," daddy patiently explained. this was very concerning to...

i know i'm biased, but dear god he's cute. on the drive into school today, john told me he wanted to go on an airplane to the park with the tractor and play with daddy. we've been talking about getting on an airplane a lot, because we'll soon be visiting extended family in florida, so the plane talk is pretty standard. but what the heck was he talking about with the park? this past weekend we went to the playground, so i asked him, "do you mean the park with the rock wall, john?" "no, mommy," he said. "with the tractor. we go on a big airplane and a little airplane and play at the tractor park. i couldn't sort it out in my head. then he said, "with grandpa!" and i realized: he was discussing the park in maryland that we visited with my dad the last time we visited him ... for memorial day. in may. of 2012. eight months ago . i have no idea what memory is like for a 2.5 year old. but i was stunned that...

ready for pj and movie day! when i was pregnant with john, i really started to think about what was playing on the radio while i was in the car. it all started one day when i was about four months pregnant, driving to work and singing along at the top of my longs to a rockin' kings of leon song when i actually heard the words i was singing. "your sex is on fire" just didn't feel like a sentiment i would want my as-yet-unborn child to be singing on the way to school. so i switched radio stations, and in actual practice, haven't had the radio on much at all with john in the car. but just recently, i started to think about how much he loves music. and how much i have always loved music, and how i remember listening when i was very young and just being amazed by songs on the radio. i remember bopping in my car seat to "beat it." i remember adoring the song "all she wants to do is dance." and i want john to have music - pop, rock, modern...

this truck will probably be joined with some boxes to make a train. just wait. one of the most frequently uttered phrases in our house of late has been this: "all aboard!" john has been a big fan of thomas the really useful engine for a while, but just recently he's taken a shine to trains in general. he chugs around the house with his yellow dump truck, which he uses to push boxes and laundry baskets and what ever else around. he loves to chug-a-chug-a-chug-a-chug-a chooo chooo.  so when i was in the bathroom this morning - which shares a wall with john's room - and i heard through the wall, "all aboard!" i wasn't too surprised. but there was extra glee when john came running into my room with a train whistle that i'd forgotten he had. he was all excited because it had a train painted on the side ... so imagine his joy when i showed him that it actually makes a train sound.  he struggled with it at first. couldn't quite get the gr...

is there such a thing as too many pics of a child in grownup shoes? when i was in middle and high school, i was blessed to find a group of friends who shared my ... we'll generously call it a creative spirit. sometimes that manifested itself in high-minded word games and interesting musical compositions. sometimes it was witty jokes and scripts for our student-directed odyssey of the mind sketches. and sometimes we made funny noises at each other for hours on end. grunts, beeps, shrieks - nothing was off limits. i make a noise at you, you make a different noise back at me. ad nauseum. (try it sometime. it's surprisingly entertaining, and passes the time on long bus rides quite nicely.) yesterday, i made perhaps one of the awesomest discoveries of motherhood. john likes to play the noise game. the whole way from daycare back home (ok, that's only 10 minutes but that's a lifetime for a two year old!) we made noises back and forth to each other. john is a ...

this is perhaps the silliest milestone a mom has ever discussed, but this picture shows the first time john ate a "banbana" without me taking the peel off for him. i have always wanted to be the kind of mom who plays with her child. yes, there are often grown-up-y things that need to be done like laundry and cooking and dishes and the like, but i want john to remember his parents stopping to take time and be silly with him, not just working while he played in the other room. and since john and i drive to and from work/school every day, that time in the car is an awesome opportunity for us to play together. granted, it has to be verbal play that allows me to stay focused on the road. but we talk a whole heck of a lot, and john tells me all about his day and who he played with and what they did. so this morning on the way to school, john informed me that he wanted to go on an airplane, and i saw an awesome opportunity. i told him our truck could be an airplane, an...