i stop crying

i dare you resist that grin.
hard to believe it was hysterical tears
three minutes later.

every since we got back from alaska, john's been struggling with me leaving him at daycare each morning. the first morning, he cried from the time we parked the car, through the walk in the door, to his classroom, and i had to put him straight into his teacher's arms because he wasn't staying there voluntarily.

it's gotten somewhat better each day. one morning, instead of walking to his room, we danced to his room - hey, anything to keep the kiddo happy.

by now, we talk about school on the way, and he seems ok with it. when we park, he gladly gets out of the car. he even seems excited to see his teachers, play with his friends, and eat breakfast (not necessarily in that order). he'll let me carry him - or sometimes walk - to his room, right up to the table where he normally eats.

but then, then it all falls apart. he can't stand to let go of me, won't sit in a chair, and breaks down and howls as i sneak out the door.

and maybe the worst part of it is, john knows it's a problem and he wants to do better! he tells me every morning before we leave the house, "i stop crying. i big boy." when i ask him if he is going to cry when we get to school, he says, "no, momma, i big boy! i stop crying!" and if you could see his little lip trembling as he tries SO SO SO hard not to lose it, you would cry yourself.

i know this will pass. i know it's normal. i know every parent goes through this.

but it breaks my heart every morning.