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ambivalent

appropos of nothing, here is a pirate.
because he's cute, that's why.
if you are facebook friends with my husband, you've probably heard the news:

our little family is relocating to dallas next month. actually, my husband will be leaving a little sooner, to start his new job, while john and i pack up the house to get ready to move.

i have never felt so very ambivalent about anything in my life.

i am so excited for the opportunity -- my husband will be working at a job he's really excited about, in a field he really loves. dallas is a big city, so there will be opportunities for me as well -- tho i will likely not job hunt til after the baby arrives in october. because let's be serious: would YOU hire a six-months-pregnant lady?

i am excited about the quality of public schools in the area we will be in. i am excited for the overall well-being of our family, because we certainly wouldn't choose to move if it weren't going to be an overall boon for us.

i am excited.

but i am also very sad.

i am so sad to leave my family, by whom we have been so blessed and who we've so enjoyed living near here in baton rouge. i will miss my grandmother, who at 91 years old i still get to visit regularly and chat with and learn from. i will miss the aunts and uncles and cousins who are also our friends, who have been our support and our network and have meant so much to us.

i am sad to leave our house, which has been such a wonderful home for our family.

i am sad to leave my job -- my NEW job, at which i've only worked for two months. i so love the people, so love the company, so love my work. i have been excited about what i can do here, the difference i can make. and i feel bad that i am leaving them so soon after we've begun what i thought would be a long-term relationship.

i am so sad to leave our church and our sunday school class, which has become another family for us and has taken so much care of us this past crazy year or so.

i am sad to leave our friends, who have loved us so well in our time here.

i am even sad to leave the lsu tigers. i had visions of my husband taking the boys to their first football games at death valley, and teaching them the fight song, and there is just nothing cuter than john yelling, "go tigers!"

and some days, the sad wins -- after all, i am a hormonal preggo with a lot on her mind. but i told my husband as soon as we made this decision: please don't take my tears as any equivocation on this change. this is the right move for our family.

the goodbyes will be sad.

but i am so excited about the future.

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