john's mom works

bonus points if you recognize this as a bulldozer. i have a long vacation post that will come later this week, but a shorter note of great import today: last week, my first baby turned four. we had a week-long birthday celebration, starting with a birthday party at the grand canyon  with my dad's side of the family on monday june 16 ... then a wednesday june 18 (john's actual birthday) bulldozer birthday party with our dear friends in phoenix and their children - one of whom is almost precisely three months older than john so they're a great match ... wrapped up with yesterday's present-opening-extravaganza featuring all of the presents that were mailed to our house in our absence. we are so blessed to have so much family - of both the birth-given and the life-chosen variety - to celebrate with our kiddo. we are also so blessed to have this amazing four-year-old in our lives. he is the most challenging thing we have ever done, and one of the two most b...

if you've come for witty reparte or a good old fashioned poop story, today is not your day. if you've come to witness me using words as catharsis, you're in luck. tonight was one of my least favorite nights of my life. it climaxes (nadirs) with this scene: john, red-faced and screaming "i don't want you, mommy!" over and over. charlie in his wrap, muffledly crying as he buries his face in my shoulder. me, nearly hysterical, yelling god-knows-what (i truly don't) through sobs and tears. * * * how did we get there? not all at once, of course. in dribs and drabs of bad behavior meets inappropriate response with a mix of too-tired thrown in for good measure. we've been struggling, my husband and i, to help john through a very difficult time. best I can tell it's a culmination of a year of change that was enough to leave my grownup head spinning - and i chose most of that change, unlike john. john's been acting out at home and at school...

left: why we lowered the crib mattress right: the best happy meal price EVAH disclaimer: if you are poop-averse, you might want to keep on scrolling by. i won't share any gross pics or extreme details, but this is a baby bowel movement story. if you can't find the humor in those, i'll be funnier next time, i promise. this morning, i was running late. (surprise!) but like, REALLY late. we've been struggling a lot with some of john's behavior lately (more on that another day), which requires some extra time and energy and intentionality in our day, and mornings are always a little on the rough side, timing wise. add to that the simple fact that i slept too late and we were not set up for success! however, we got through with no major disasters. we were late, but just about ready - john was dressed, charlie had been fed and dressed and was happily playing in his crib while i put on my shoes, brushed my teeth, and collected the last few odds and ends....

both boys went back to sleep after i woke them up the first time today. how are kids so cute even in their sleep? mornings are not usually a strong suit at our house.  we're up early - i usually wake john around 5:30 and charlie around 5:45 - and out the door early, getting in the car by 6:30 at the latest. and we're not what you'd call morning people. but. BUT. today was an awesome morning. everyone was cheerful, the morning went smoothly.  while i was getting charlie dressed, john came charging excitedly into his baby brother's room yelling, "mommy! i found my pelican!" some backstory: once upon a time, john caught a stuffed pelican at a mardi gras parade. it was a sad silly pelican that was poorly stuffed and cheaply made. it was fluorescent green and orange. but for some reason he loved it. he fell out of love with it over time, as kids do, and i was pretty sure we had given it to my cousin to throw at another mardi gras parad...

this was going to be a jaunty little blog about my trip to chicago - more adventures of the world-wandering dairy cow, some waxing philosophical about missing my family, the story of an awesome hotel upgrade, some pride in my husband for taking such awesome care of the boys. i'll save my traveling tale for another day. instead, i find myself in a somber mood. this morning, one of my favorite people on the face of this planet took her leave from it. my beautiful, sassy, spunky, brilliant grandmother passed away. like all of the family, i knew this day would come, and probably sooner than later. she was 91 years old, and while she was doing mighty darn well for 91, that age comes with an expectation that time is limited. she spent a good part of this past weekend with her family, much of whom was in town for mardi gras. i understand that she was in good spirits and good form right up until the end. and she went quickly, which is as much of a blessing as anyone could ask. also...

left: diligently removing pjs one foot at a time.  right: dirt is a boy's best friend. today in dfw, a beautiful week-old baby girl is being laid to rest by her aching family. and today in dfw, the grey sky and chilling rain seem a perfect reflection of the sympathetic ache felt by anyone who hears this family's story. may they be uplifted by prayers and love from far and wide that somehow, somewhere, they might find some peace. *  *  * sometimes god and his universe conspire to give you exactly what you need. today it is the weather that gives expression to my emotions. sometimes you need that mourning. last week, it was a relatively simple message from a facebook friend who posted this thought: our children need our love the most when they deserve it least. i won't try to attribute that one -- many very wise folks have said similar things and i'm probably misquoting anyway. but it rang in my head as i reflected on john's behavior...

brothers telling secrets friday on the way to work, the moon hung low in the sky, huge and orange. john was ecstatic to see it, and kept exclaiming, "mommy, look at the big man in the moon!" i kept listening to his glee, and we talked about the moon for several minutes. eventually he got sort of quiet and pensive. and he said, "mommy, why is the moon at the bottom of the sky?" of course i explained that the moon rises and goes up high, blah blah blah, but it stuck with me: the bottom of the sky. there's a certain poetry to the way children see the world, i think, a simplicity and beauty that i love to relive through john's eyes. and his words never cease to amaze me. he has a way with them, i think. and he charms me all the time, but i'm his mom -- i think i am constitutionally required to be charmed. but it's not just me. this morning when my husband picked john up from sunday school, his teacher told him that they were reading ...

the best little couch potatoes ever like probably most of america, we watched the super bowl yesterday -- no big parties, just in our pjs at our house watching the game. no commentary from me -- don't care much about football, the commercials weren't great, the halftime show was entertaining enough -- since i think everyone else has already said all that matters. what matters to me are those two brothers up there, snuggled on the couch, watching football with their daddy. thought #1: charlie is going to outgrow big brother very quickly. even allowing for a little optical illusion with him closer to the camera, he looks HUGE! thought #2: i should keep this photo for when they are beating the holy crap out of each other in a couple of years. thought #3: i could watch them snuggling all day long. football? what football?

i scored front row seats to this particular show. the other day it was pandora, playing my husband's "lightning crashes" station. (we met at a concert of the band 'live' a million years ago, in case you didn't know.)recently, one of john's very favorite activities is to have dance parties in our living room. sometimes we put on disney music, sometimes it's a cd, sometimes just the radio. a few good ol' rock songs from the late 90s played, all with some serious guitar licks, and john insisted that he wanted to find "his" guitar. he actually has two - an elmo one that lights up and plays sesame street songs, and an old "guitar hero" one that doesn't connect to anything but still rocks out - at least in john's head. so he gave the guitar hero one to daddy, and he grabbed the elmo one as his own, and charlie and i were treated to some fine guitar solos in the living room. until john kicked daddy off his st...

my beautiful bitty. this was going to be a post about my wonderful day on martin luther king day, and how charlie and i spent our day as a "nursing holiday" and had such a great time. instead, i would like to tell you the story of the scariest night in my life as a mom. most importantly, everyone is ok, uninjured, and totally fine. know that right up front. yesterday a little after 5:30pm, i was walking through the living room carrying charlie when i tripped. and i dropped charlie. he hit the ground with the most horrible thud i have ever heard in my life. and he instantly started screaming, which i know is actually a good sign. so i scooped him him up to comfort him and calm him. he was breathing VERY fast, so i tried to nurse him, thinking that would help calm him down. he wanted none of it ... and then he just went limp and stopped. no crying. no wiggling. completely nonresponsive. i immediately called 911. they dispatched an ambulance and whil...

the letter "h"! sleepy buddha last night, john proved to me again what an awesome kid he is. he wanted to have a dance party in the living room and asked daddy to put on the radio. daddy did, to a pop/top 40 type station. i can't remember what song it was, but john said, "no, daddy, a rock and ROLL dance." so daddy changed. next station was a country song. "no, daddy. rock and ROLL!" finally, daddy landed on an alt rock station. "that's it daddy! rock and roll, rock and roll ..." (insert cute hip/butt wiggle here). what song had my kiddo rockin' and rollin'?  "under the bridge," by red hot chili peppers. that, friends, THAT, is my child. meantime charlie was sitting in his seat just smiling and laughing at big brother's antics. *  *  * and i needed that. i needed to be reminded how amazing my children are, because it was a rough afternoon before that. it started with a...

from now on, this is how we do ALL our gingerbread houses. i have been guilting myself for not blogging for weeks now. how was christmas? (charlie's first!) how was new years? how was thanksgiving, for that matter, and the visit with the family? how have i not managed to document all of these precious moments in our family's life? well, here's how: the mama in this house works. and if this blog is and always has been about the balancing act - the utter tightrope walk! - of being both a marketing professional and the best mom i can be, then my silence reflects the focus the past several weeks have required. but now ... knock on wood? ... it appears that we might be sliding into a routine. and now, maybe now, i can begin again to write down the struggles and joys we face. and when i am in doubt, i just look at this little face:  don't worry, mother, i am wise in ways you cannot comprehend.  and then i realize, it's all ok. a few months of bl...