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to john, who is eight and amazing

crazy and kind and loving and wild
dear john,

eight years ago almost as i am writing this, you made me a mommy. eight years, kiddo. how is that possible?

from the moment you arrived you were infectious and vibrant and larger than life. at eight, you are still all of those things, only maybe more! your energy is limitless, but so is your heart and your compassion and my goodness, love, that smile lights a room.

you have grown so much this year. oh, you are taller and none of your pants fit and suddenly i can't really carry you as well anymore (tho i won't stop trying), but that's not what i mean. you know yourself so well, you know how to work so hard, and you have made such strides in your ability to choose well and wisely and be the kind and amazing dude i have always known you to be. you are a great big brother (tho please stop telling your brothers they're wrong, they won't like that much) and i love to see you leading the other fellas in creative playing, or reading stories, or listening to good music.

you are also wicked funny, peanut. your plays on words rival some of the adults i know, and at least once a day you stop me in your tracks with some witty insertion into a conversation. and suddenly this year, they're not "kid" jokes -- they're just jokes, and they're top notch.

i am excited to see what another year brings for you, as you swim your summer away and read and absorb this big world and continue to brighten it. never stop smiling and dancing, love. (do stop dabbing tho, please, it's dumb. you're not dumb, just the dabbing.) (but your mom is an old dinosaur so if dabbing makes you happy i guess you just go right on dabbing.)

eight years ago i was sitting in a hospital bed, admiring your new tiny little self and wondering what you would bring into the world with you.

and today, like every day since, i am so lucky to get to find out more about who you are and what you have to offer. that smile, child. it lights my heart on fire.

happy birthday baby.
your (ancient) (sappy) (crying) mama
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