john's mom works

charlie in his gymnastics suit dear charlie, when we met on an ambulance on the highway four years ago today, it became clear right away that you are your own little dude. you have personality and charm and determination and yes, stubbornness, enough for a classroom of children. your clever little brain is always searching to understand and make use of the world around you. now that you are four, you are so big. you are so capable and so strong. but you still flash the "i love you" sign through your classroom window, and oh but you melt my heart. you have been so graceful at moving from littlest to "middlest" brother, and asking for extra time and love when you need it, but sharing your space and life with little bean and big brother john. you amaze me every day with how you communicate and use your words. and your songs are the best, bitty. never stop writing and singing your own songs. i hope you never stop climbing into my lap to snuggl...

dear bean, when your daddy and i found out we were going to have another baby, we were pretty scared. we didn't know how to be parents to three chaos monkeys and didn't know what our family would look like with a new babe. it turns out we didn't have a thing to worry about, little one. from the moment you arrived you've been the happiest baby i've ever met. just like your brothers, you charm the people around you and endear yourself to everyone. when we came home from the birth center that night, john and charlie fell in love and immediately wanted to hold you and love you. you fit perfectly into a bean-shaped gap we didn't even know our family had. you've brought smiles and laughs to every member of your family every one of these past 365 days. even when you feel icky, like today on your birthday, your dear spirit shines through and you bring such light into the world. your daddy and i  are really grateful that god knew we needed you. your oldest...

goodnight selfie dear john, i just finished putting you to bed for the last time as a six year old. you thought it was great to give me the last ever "face shake" (our secret goodnight kisses) as a six year old boy. i thought it was pretty great, too. you have grown SO MUCH this year. not just gotten taller - though you have, you're huge - but gotten better and awesomer and amazinger. you are in control of your body and your actions in a way that is so very impressive. you work so hard to do things well, and take such pride in making people happy. you are generous, and compassionate, and you amaze me with your capacity to give to your little brothers to help them be happy. you are silly and fun and have a wicked sense of humor - even if i'm sometimes too old to get some of your jokes. you're a fierce hugger and a brave tooth-loser. one thing that makes me so proud is that you want so badly for things to be fair and right. they aren't always, ...

my pumpkins in the pumpkin patch i started writing this post in october. that's why there are pumpkins. that's why bean is small. that's why charlie looks like ... i don't know, a pound puppy or something with his shaggy hair in his eyes. that i started this post five months ago and it remains largely unwritten - that there is also an unfinished post on a belated birth story for ben ... it is indicative of where our family is these days. we are happy - look at those beautiful boys in a pumpkin patch! we are grateful - we have so many blessings to count and recount and positively bathe in. we are together - there are so many of us! ok, there are only five of us. but that is a lot when two are loud blustery beautiful big boys and one is a sweet busy baby boy. oh, yeah, and technically we're six, with the world's orneriest dog. we are also certifiably insane. and by that i mean, everyone else is fine and i am crazy. * * * before we found out ben...

boys in collared shirts. i've missed this blog. and this blog has missed me, too - it's missed a lot of change in our family, a lot of distance covered and a lot of growth, and oh yeah the addition of a third son. it's missed outings and discoveries and pictures and trials and tribulations. but mostly, it's missed pieces of the development of three really cool kids. and the evolution of their mommy as she tries to adapt to having three really cool kids and a really cool job and oh by the way a really cool husband and a pain in the ass but also cool dog. and i, have missed writing. so i shall try again. john (+charlie + ben)'s mom works. and writes. and loves. and welcomes you back to our adventure.

the cause of - and solution to - most of my life's frustrations. i did not ring in the new year as i had hoped. in fact, i did not ring in the new year at all. the new year arrived somewhere in between rounds of charlie in his bedroom door screaming "me want to go downstairs!" and me, patiently as i could muster, placing him gently back in his bed and telling him i loved him, goodnight. i finally collapsed in my bed around 2:30 a.m. after he finally, FINALLY, fell into a mommy-milk induced sleep and let me place him in his bed to stay. my last thought was a whispered prayer that please may these children sleep. at 7:11 a.m., the tiniest feet in the house padded next to my bedside and asked to sleep with me, which translated to throwing elle belle at daddy and eating my chapstick. so much for sleep. and i was mad. i didn't yell at charlie, but i did grump at both he and john to go upstairs and play. and when my husband got up to tend to them a wh...

or, how to ring out the old year when you're an ornery two year old 3:42 a.m. wailing from upstairs wakes me from a dead sleep. it's the big bad kind of crying, where you just know someone needs you. i head up the stairs in a groggy daze, softly calling "hey, charlie, mama's coming," as he howls for his mommy. his voice sounds oddly close considering the closed door to his room. when i walk into his room, though, he's not there. the door to the bathroom between john and charlie's rooms is open, as is the door to john's room beyond. i walk through, and there i find charlie on his knees in desperation in his brother's room. best i can tell, charlie woke up, and decided to get brother. but when he went to brother's room the bed was empty - because john was sleeping in the teepee across the room. devastated that he couldn't find brother, charlie just howled. john slept as i collected charlie, closed the appropriate doors, and...