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mashed bananas

when john was born, we decided that ideally, we wanted him to be exclusively breastfed until he was a year old. our pediatrician was all for it, believing firmly that there's no reason to rush to solid foods unless there's a compelling reason to do so. i think the american academy of pediatrics (or similar organization, i'm no expert at this) even says that breastmilk provides everything nutritionally that a baby needs for the first 12 months of life.

now i've always said that if there was a compelling reason to start foods sooner, we would - if john was really interested in food, or if he wasn't getting enough nutrition in some way. and it seems we've hit that point: my milk production hasn't increased to match his latest increase in appetite, so i just can't keep up. we had him on half-formula/half-milk for a week or two, but it seemed to really upset his stomach - he was spitting up tons. so i chatted with the pediatrician this morning, and we're going to start john on some easy foods today or tomorrow.

i'm simultaneously really excited and a little sad about this. like every developmental step in his life, it thrills me to see my little man grow and learn. i actually look forward to the mashed-banana-in-his-hair that i will probably have to wash tonight. i can't wait to see his joy at trying new tasks - because he seems to love to try anything new.

on the other hand, i am sad because eating real foods seems to be a clear line of demarkation between baby-baby and little boy. oh, i know, he's still a baby, and there will be lots of lines like that before he's a toddler. but still ... my tiny little dependent peanut is no longer so tiny and little, and already not so dependent. i will love every phase of john's life, but will still miss every phase once it passes.

additionally, i am trying not to feel like i have failed in my mission to exclusively breastfeed for a year. milk will still be the primary part of his diet for at least that long. and i know we're doing the right thing for john. so why does it feel like i'm letting him down? it's ridiculous, i know. but sometimes knowing something is ridiculous is not enough to make me stop feeling it.

so. tonight i will mash bananas. possibly some peas. and we will bathe a food-covered baby. and i pledge to laugh as much as possible through the whole process, and document with pictures and videos because i know this new phase will pass as quickly as the baby-baby phase. and someday soon i will have a little boy running around with frogs in his pockets and mud on his shoes.

john, your mom overthinks things sometimes.

Comments

lauren mcvey said…
aww... john is growing up so fast. i remember when he started at A lil ones. i took an immediate attachment to him. and now i never see him and wont because i no longer work there.

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