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ambivalence

pic of the day: day 23
mommy don't go
my boss has a saying that she shares frequently when we discuss the challenges of being a mom who works out of the home. she says, "wherever you are, be there 100%."

surprisingly, that's not the part of being a working mom that i struggle with. when i am at work, i am focused on my work, in part because i love what i do and i love where i work. and of course when i am at home, i love being home with my family. i am blessed to have a challenging job that i don't have to take home with me, mentally or physically.

no, the difficult time for me are the transitions. that, friends, is when the ambivalent feelings rear their heads. as i get ready to get out the door on the way to work, i want to go to work, but i don't want to let go of my little bug. towards the end of my work day, i can't wait to get home to john and his daddy, but i don't want to stop working on whatever project i am engrossed in.

that is my personaly tight rope. that is the razor's edge that i walk each morning and each evening, trying to balance the two biggest sections of my life. (can i whip out one more silly cliche to explain it all? maybe if i try REALLY hard ...) of course it's true to a smaller degree for any of the less-prominent roles i play in my life.

and i guess at the end of the day (had to get that last cliche in!) these feelings will never go away. so i will pluck that extra kiss from john's lips and that extra hug from my husband. i will allow myself five more minutes buried in the task at hand. i will be where i am, 100%. and i will look forward to being 100% somewhere else when that time comes as well.
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