Skip to main content

overwhelmed.

no cute boo picture today. john's mom is feeling a little overwhelmed.

it's probably because we travelled this weekend and didn't get home until late. or because i'm fighting some sort of cold/allergy thingy that makes my left ear sound like a tunnel and makes me have no voice (like, NO voice). or because i was out of work for two days to travel and i came back and re-wrote my to-do list and feel like i'll never get it all to-done. or because by the time i work out tonight, it'll be 7:15pm before i get home today, and pretty much the same deal for one reason or another every day this week. or because i haven't gotten enough sleep. or because sometimes when we feel yukky is when my husband and i are the least good at taking care of each other. or because i'm a whiny wuss, that too - 'cause really, couldn't just about everyone, mom or not, working or not, probably claim at least an item or two off this list? so who am i to complain, when these are all such little problems in the grand scheme? (add another one to the list: or because i feel guilty for feeling crappy today when i am truly so blessed.)

oh well. i know what i need to do. suck it up, do one little thing at a time. eat the elephant one bite at a time. smile a little, hug my husband and my baby, drink some tea, talk as little as possible (to help get the voice back), maybe play my cello, throw myself into my workout tonight, focus on the home visit so we can get buddy-the-dog, and just keep on keeping on.

i'll be better tomorrow, i promise.

(humming to herself: just keep swimming, just keep swimming ...)

Comments

Anonymous said…
Thanks for your sharing and openness. We all have our ups and downs. I hope this down is short lived and you are back to your happy, healthy, positive self again very soon. Feel better. Sometimes it feels good to just scream. I understand that your voice is lacking however, so maybe you should just gargle with some honey instead. Remember your friends are only a phone call away, when you get your voice back that is.

Popular posts from this blog

pull up your big boy undies

"what time is it? mommy? what oclock?" john's teacher told me something amazing today. "you should bring me some big boy undies," she said, "i haven't changed john in weeks." it seems that at school, since they check in with him periodically to see if he has to potty, and since his very smart teacher has noticed his (very regular) bowel movement schedule, john is potty trained. at 9am at 2pm, she plops him on the toilet. he might sit for 20 minutes, reading a book. when she checks on him, he says, "i just poo-pooin', miss meka." and when he's done, he's good and done. we're not quite that far along at home, but tonight we go shopping for big boy undies. and i'm sure we'll have a few accidents, but that's just a part of the process ... and soon my little boo will be in big boy undies full time. and ... it's a great time for him to be out of diapers. because good lord willing and the creek ...

this is 38

this is 38. grocery store sushi and cake, 8pm, alone. and for a minute, i let it feel every bit that sad and blue. because honestly, sometimes things feel sad and blue. and one thing i am learning is that i can't deny that sad and blue. i gotta sit with it, feel it, cry a tear or three in my mediocre cake, and just be. this is 38. i am not 100% sure what i expected, but i had high hopes of a lovely birthday evening with my fellas, and instead i picked up the three crankiest angriest bullyingest boys in the universe when i went to the daycare. they were mean to each other and didn't want anything to do with anything i had to say. and instead of enjoying hanging out, we argued and fought and they went to bed unhappy and i sat down for my un-exciting birthday dinner, alone. but another thing i am learning is that routine is my friend. so i started my evening routine, finding my rhythm. a few minutes of sweeping and cleaning. a few minutes of prep for tomorrow, lunch...

on lullabies

i am not a singer. if you've sat behind me in church, you know this to be true. (and i'm sorry.) a musician, yes. a singer no. and yet i find myself singing to john almost nonstop. and the beauty is, he seems to actually like it! (there's no accounting for taste. he also thinks i'm the most beautiful woman in the world. i'm no ogre, but i'm certainly not winning any beauty contests outside of my son's brain!) and actually, i've written some lullabies for john that are pretty nice. and it made me think: did your parents sing to you? do you remember what they sang, and better yet, if you have kids, do you sing the same songs to them? reply in the comments!