grey

had a little too much fun at the zoo.

normally, i'd lead with a too-cute-to-stand picture of john instead of a face-screwed-up-fat-tears picture, but that pic sorta sums up my mood today so i'll run with it.

i haven't written in so long because, frankly, there's just been a lot going on. last tuesday (a week ago yesterday) i went into work to be told that the new owner of the mall had eliminated my position. i had about 30 minutes to clean out my office and i was gone. i had sort of seen it coming -- in my interview with the new company a week before, the lady consistently referred to "whoever handles the marketing," which hardly inspired confidence that that would be me -- but i thought i'd have a little more time before they made any big changes. 

so on a random tuesday morning, i found myself with a lot of free time on my hands.

and surprisingly, i felt pretty ok about the whole thing. i am sad, sure, to leave a place that i've invested a lot of myself and my talent and my time in. and i will miss like crazy the wonderful people that became a part of my life while i was there. but i was promptly inundated by support from personal and professional contacts who were more than willing to reach out to me and help me make connections to find a job. i spent most of last week pounding the pavement, as they say, reaching out to everyone i know and asking them to keep me in mind. and i got more than a few real, solid leads that i've put myself in the ring for. i have mostly felt certain that i will land on my feet, quickly, and in a much better place than i was before.

then we had an awesome easter weekend. how could it not be awesome -- three uninterrupted days of hanging with my family, culminating in a kid who looked like this:

dapper john.

... when we went to church for easter service and then to the camp for an awesome day of crawfish, friends, family, and dirty camp fun.

and i even managed to keep my spirits up through another day of job hunting on monday. busy busy, filling out apps and sending resumes and looking for new listings.

and yesterday was an awesome trip to the zoo with awesome friends and their awesome kids. three mamas brought a total of six boys ranging in age from just a few weeks to not quite six. it was like herding cats, but it was wonderful, to have good company and fun with my little bug, and of course to check out the critters which i love so much.

about to get on the choo choo train, and of
course he has to hold his own ticket.
he's a big boy.

which side of the glass are the monkeys on, anyway?
(not pictured, the littlest boy, who was gobbling
a bottle at the time.)

but today. oh, today. it's grey and rainy and i didn't sleep well, because a certain thunder-phobic dog kept mewling and i had a hard time falling asleep. and i've sort of exhausted the initial on-rush of the job search -- there's more out there, i'm sure, and i'll keep looking, but it will require more digging and creativity and less likelihood of a quick solution. and the reality of filing for unemployment is sinking in, and the tiresomeness of sitting in my house alone all day with little human interaction, and the likelihood that this process will take a little while -- all these things are sinking in and frankly, i feel like crap.

so, to paraphrase my mom, today i am allowing myself to be a bit of a poopoohead. today, i am feeling grey, and i am trying to be ok with that. i won't allow myself to wallow, but i will allow myself to feel it, and to know it's a natural part of this process.

today, i might cry a little bit. but i'll be better tomorrow, i'm sure.