Skip to main content

torn

pic of the day: day 15
commando-crawling may not be as efficient as regular
crawling. but it's much more effective for sneaking up
on your target: mom's shoes (just out of frame)

fyi: if you have the natalie imbruglia song "torn" on your itunes, it would be appropriate to play it right now as you read this post.

as john commando-crawled across the floor to try to get my shoes this morning, i found my self full of very ambivalent feelings.

pride. i am so proud of my little man, learning so much so fast and being so curious and engaged in the world.

excitement. he's crawling now, he'll be walking soon, he'll be talking soon, i'll get to know him even better as he devlops!

trepidation. our house really isn't a safe enough place for him yet. there's so much to do before he can just wander around without uncessarily hurting himself.

understanding. he IS going to hurt himself. it's just my job to help minimize the damage.

amazement. this is that little kicking critter that rode around in my belly for 9 months, continuing the inevitable march to autonomy.

sadness. this is one tiny step towards john not being my "baby" anymore. he already has so many characteristics that are more toddler than baby. i will miss that little helpless snuggleworm nestled against me ...

happiness. we have so many fun activities ahead of us, so much life to live together, this little man just fills my heart so.

i'm sure john's daddy could add even more words, too. we're so overwhelmed every day at this little human being who shares our lives now. he is so alive, so vibrant, so perfect. (no, he's not really perfect, but he is so ... unsullied? unscarred? undamaged?)

i say this so often it has become trite. but i will say it again nonetheless:
i have been blessed with the opportunity to do many awesome things in my life. i have gone to very cool places and had incredible experiences. but the most amazing thing - the most fulfilling thing - the most mind-boggling thing - i have ever done is becoming a parent.
and just think: we're only 9 months in to a lifelong ride.

ps. a note to my husband, who would never say so but i bet sometimes feels less important because i'm so in love with the little man: thank you so very much for helping me create our son, and for molding and raising him with me. you're a great husband, a great daddy, a great friend, a great partner. it ain't always easy, for sure, but it is always always worth it.
Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

on lullabies

i am not a singer. if you've sat behind me in church, you know this to be true. (and i'm sorry.) a musician, yes. a singer no. and yet i find myself singing to john almost nonstop. and the beauty is, he seems to actually like it! (there's no accounting for taste. he also thinks i'm the most beautiful woman in the world. i'm no ogre, but i'm certainly not winning any beauty contests outside of my son's brain!) and actually, i've written some lullabies for john that are pretty nice. and it made me think: did your parents sing to you? do you remember what they sang, and better yet, if you have kids, do you sing the same songs to them? reply in the comments!
5 comments
Read more

i'm furberizing my baby

ok, let's get this straight right off the bat: i don't know if i am literally following dr. furber's methods of sleep training. there are so many versions out there. but saying we're furberizing john is WAY more fun than saying that i'm letting him cry his little lungs out in an attempt to teach him to sleep on his own. it's night two of our efforts. he went right to sleep last night, which was great. and he slept for 5.25 hours (!!!!) before waking up at 2:30 a.m. when he woke up crying, i let him cry for 5 minutes before going in to soothe him. (the soothing barely works at all, by the way, but it's what i'm supposed to do ...) then i let him cry for 10 more minutes before going in to soothe him again. next on the agenda was a 15 minute stretch of crying - but he fell asleep after 8 minutes. so a sum total of 22 minutes of crying. not too bad for night two. i've heard night three can be the worst ... so we'll hold on to our hats tonight. mean
5 comments
Read more

home

annapolis rock  1988 thirty years ago, my family moved from denton, tx, to a tiny rural town in the mountains of maryland. i remember being sad as we sold our things (we were packing everything into two old cars to drive north) and actually crying over the sale of our washing machine. transition does strange things to kids' emotions. yet i remember arriving, excited, into this strange green mountainous place, and i remember even more anticipation as we found a home ("the old taylor place") and got ready for school to start at smithsburg elementary. third grade -- the same grade john starts this school year. i remember meeting my first friend on a dusty dirt road - the "alley" that ran behind the high school tennis courts and athletic fields from our home just at the town's outskirts to her home just outside downtown. (if you've never known a small town downtown, that's probably hard to envision). it was an amazing place to be a child. 199
Post a Comment
Read more